Sad...Sad....Yesterday

Today....Never go to sch...N jus go n find serene....haha...today...my blog want to write the title ha...However rather sad...sad....Yesterday had replaced it...As really many things happened....And I really want to become a mad ger.....Dun see mi always tell ppl that wad when they r in trouble....But actually I very useless.....I really can't solve my own problem.....And I jus always trouble ppl...Even though they my sis....I jus can't hlp it....I too depend on Him and sis......However when I call them I still fell uneasy.....Or I say not calm.....And it really strange....One time...I jus feel tired(this word I jus hope it will not appeared again in my dictionary....jus hope everyday of my life was energetic n happy....But......)in any kinds....N my sis all busy....(who call I at this moment feel like this)....Then suddenly one of my sis SMS mi....Then I remember....N I call her.....N it's so miracle......I talk to her for almost 1 hour n cause mi to feel not tired but energetic n I dun remember y I feel so tired or stupid......Then I told her..."Wow....So funny....Y I dun remember I sad 4 wad....'but I on the next day never go n she expect mi to come...I jus noe I always disappointed others.....(please dun pin high hopes on mi....I can't reach it...N even my dreams is jus going to go down e drain....I noe I not suppose to b negative.....But I dun noe....I think need a proton(+)...Ha)
now I think I better reflect myself n repent.....(dun admire ppl n cause yourselves to feel sad or even jealousy).....I a jus only noe how to talk, scold, dream but no action....(zhi shang dan bing纸上谈兵)...
like the psalm 26....It had actually say my feeling....It's like this:
Vindicate me, O Lord,
for I have led a blameless life;
I have trusted in the Lord
without wavering.
Test me, O lord, and try me,
examine my heart and my minds;
for your love is ever before me,
and I walk continually in your truth.
I do not sit with deceitful men,
nor do I consort with hypocrites;
I adhor the assembly of evildoers
and to refuse to sit with the wicked.
I wash my hands in innocence,
and go about your altar, O LORD,
proclaiming aloud your praise
and telling of all your wonderful deeds.
I love the house where you live, O LORD,
the place where your glory dwells.
Do not take away my soul along with sinners,
my life with bloodthirsty men,
n whose hands are wicked schemes,
whose right hands are full of bribes.
But I lead a blameless life;
redeem me and be merciful to me.
My feet stand on level ground;
in the great assembly I will praise the LORD.
however my feeling is only at a certain part.....
yah...I noe I 虚伪.....But wad can I do....
this world is jus so chaos.....as everything jus had negative n positive.....even I also....N yesterday quarrel jus happen because no respect, did not tolerate, understanding, negative thinking, jealousy(maybe), or maybe there was no love...(which is I)
I this trouble maker who can't do anything.....But to see it happen....N yesterday two Qns have let me think.....it's really DEATH can solve everything?? N Where is Him when we need Him!!!
and I ask My sis......N Karista sae Be Still and u will then noe his presence...or noe He's always there.....this is quite true.....after all this quarrel, unhappy ends...is time for everyone 2 calm down....Then we noe He's really there $us but it we.....who r onli rash.....dun noe gd of wad....arguing? quarrel? make ppl sad or even angry? ya I think I maybe like this.....this may be was not mi here in this world.....But as i'm searching this world of my reason for me 2 existence....I had Found He.....He had been there for a very long time which is since i'm veri young... But I dun noe I had let He sad, angry or even cry........I jus want to sae I not worth it....Ur love is So Priceless that I really dun noe to "return"...I dun noe wad is love.....I noe love is not return but.....really....I can't figure out wad is love...sometimes...I think I noe but sometimes I think I jus smart alex....I really dun noe wad....(I really cry 4 Him....But now even me dun noe who am I..... jus a passby...or even a passby who made Him angry????or I really is his child???or his frienz???or his disciple????or even a nobody?????I jus scared of lonely....N is He who change my life but maybe I stubborn as a cow or wad had cause him to change and even the outcome to be change jus 4 my sake...I noe He's mighty...But I jus scared I this useless bum can't catch up him and get lose....I noe even I get lose He will still search 4 me....But am I worth it????I noe beyond me still had others....I noe I this crybaby.....who onli noe how 2 cry but I jus can't hlp it.....I noe I haven't bath......Y did He so Love me....Y did He want to go through all this 4 us???worth it???I noe He did this.....without thinking it worth it or not but he onli noe He love us.....But even I this selfish may not want or dare to do this... But how could he didn't sae or even grumble anything but jus for our sake.....I really hope that any lost sheep could come back n I noe the rest of sheep will only rejoice 4 the lost sheep....N the other sheep is missing the day tt they have.....I dun want to see any bro or sis to wanders around liao.....it's really not a gd feeling.....everyday of ur life u r jus finding ur purpose....N u may even find nothing n go to a path that can't turnback- Death....I noe this shld not appear in anyone dictionary.....(recent....my house n a blk nearby jus happen to have someone pass away.....)......I dun want 2 see anyone hide away or even want to escape...But I think we shld face the music.... )Ha...feel gd after write finish.....maybe I shld write this at other blog....Then no one noe......all my feeling is this blog.....N even tears.....But let mi end with something(^~^):P :
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.(1 corinthians 13:4-8)n if u r smart or talented but without love u r nothing compare to a person who love.....I dun noe I wad kind lol.....N every relationship there shld have love, trusts, perseveres, patient, truth, hopes, keeps no record of wrongs, not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, no proud, no self-seeking, protects. that the WAY!!!WO I NI(HE)...