i treasure ppl life but nt my life

i today sick so as a sick person..i made everyone angry...my family member..all..except three member..
today i tell my problem 2 qinning..and ask a qns to serene..then my qns is does she have many problem when she juz noe God..then she said of cuz..she also said this is in the mould stage..and u will be a greater person..then i saw jason blog n his blog has describe my feeling..[I was like selfish, uncommited, complacent, short-tempered..Thru time we feel that we taken Him for granted in life, everything seems to go wrong and u became yur old part of yur life again which u feel so! I have been thru many times few mnths ago, come to think again, I'm sorry for the things i done to Him! Have u forgotten God has given u conscious mind to know what is right and wrong, many times u have fallen and sin agianst God! We took His salvation for granted! Times that we feel that u r in the experiment of the pendulum, where u r the stone swinging left to right not knowing what to do?] tt wat his blog said..haha..and i feel like this..today morning was alright..but after didi do her thing n dun eat her noodle then i angry n i then made worse by let didi, er jie n mum angry..n juz now even worse..didi threaten mi lol..how can she..is God nt impt? then juz now i ask myself a qns also..i dun treasure myself then i treasure who? then xiaohui ans God..then i sae maybe..because i now suspect myself..but i noe i love God..tt really true..and but i muz really because of him 2 change..which still need time..haha..juz now i told Qinning tt my home is nt the place tt i want n i want 2 leave the home then she told mi God put mi there gt purpose..then i told her..it is too difficult..i can't fulfill my purpose..then she told mi something..i forgot..this maybe because i am angry or wat..but i also tell serene i won't b negative next time as i noe this is 2 mould mi 2 a better person..haha..still sick...haha..bb