i beat

i beat..........i celebrate ct, felicia belated bday....both were ok...a bit surprise thing happen....such as paying the bill....n saw thing tt i shld nt saw...man....tok n dun tok is so dead.......i dead...i tired n nth i can sae can clear the cut in my family heart n mine......look ok but not ok....look happy but not...wan 2 stop run but dun bear.....wan 2 study but no mood 2 study.......& e best part is my o level oral for eng is reachig in other 3 day...tt is this thur......n i really super afraid.......stress....n so i moody...n i noe i shld nt b like this but can let me b a little child 4 a while? let me threw tantum a while....i wan 2 shout, cry...........but i didn't do......it not normal for me 2 do that.....n i noe i now really weak..as many things happen....but i noe when i am weak, He(Jesus) is strong.....He is my foot tt let me continue to carry on........n onli He can let me b a child, onli infront of Him i can show n reveal myself....n onli Him let me 2 b so relax....onli Him is my first love....onli in Him i found my joy.....n onli Him who have a perfect plan for me....onli Him who let me know so many friends tt r so cool, awesome....n onli Him who really noe me......i so hope tt in my friends or family gt someone show me some understanding n let me threw a bit child tantrum.....but i found none....n this is part of requirement for my friends, bf, family.....n i think i still have no worthy of anyone love.....but to Him....He love me.....(him or He =Jesus)
indeed i quite bad mood...i didn't practise my self control n so my life now out of order....n i really have 2 do something to get it back 2 order as my exam, project, test n oral r coming...so order = success.....discipline = a lot of effort......so i still need 2 settle my attitude....i noe my attitude is bad....so if u sae is gd..i think u dun no me....esp this week.....i didn't really have a gd attitude toward many thing....n this is becoz my way of thinking n e info i receive recent...all is so bad....n so....an untrain ppl will stumble....n so do i......n man....accounting....i really dun feel like tok...but i have 2 tok as this is needed in relationship, survival, communication.....etc....so now my mind is in stagnant....n tt is bad......as i shld b fruitful.....but i still in my comfort zone....i also confuse n man i really nid to pray n order..........but really Thanks God, tt HS alway refresh me n comfort me...if nt maybe i will b declared as dead.....hahah....so without Him....i no longer survive