Joy but sad?

it's is a joyful moment when i get my scholarship as i get a cert plus money...hehe..i will nt reveal how much...but in few minutes i guilty of breaking xh promise...but also becoz she didn't meet my standard n so now i dun dare or dun wish to go for e extra mile or shld i sae i dun like to work as marketing? but i noe now xh no longer trust me n i think tt maybe an ease to me or a shame to me? hmmm...if last time no quarrel n i think i will nt break promise...becoz all my friends will let me go extra mile but if they dun meet my standard...i will b reluctant to go extra miles unless..?
My top 10 best friends?
1) Jesus
2) Yi wen
3) Elaine
4) Serene
5) Chowtee
6) Qinning
7) Pei Qing
8) Cheryl
9) Janna or Annisa
10) JieLin or Cerena
Except first position, e rest r nt in according....
My top 20 close friends?
11) Joel
12) Dolphin
13) Meng Jie
14) Shi Wei or Joyce or Hui Zhi or some 407 people
15) Victoria
16) Yen Leng
17) Yong Jin
18) Dong
19) Shamus
20) Benjanam (maybe spell wrong)
21) Jason Chong / Ng or Orca
22) Terry or 408 some of them
23) Kai Bin
24) Jeffery
25) Janet
26) Superhero(es)!!!
27) Jie Si or Sharon
28) Lenny or Alan
29)Ah Boon or Emily
30)XH
All this i think they will treat me as friend n so i put them as close friend...so i super pathetic...:P