FOUR TIMES BEHIND BARS, THEN ...

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He took his first puff of marijuana when he was 16 years old and landed
himself in jail not once, not twice, but four times.

He may sound like a hardcore drug addict who never learnt the error of his
ways. But in between his jail terms, Mr Simon Neo actually went all out in
a bid to kick the habit.

Mr Neo went through countless sessions of acupuncture, as he heard it
could curb his cravings. He also tried popping sleeping pills one after
the other and coupled that with hard liquor, just to knock himself out so
he would not think of drugs. But all his attempts at rehabilitation
failed. Once, Mr Neo even isolated himself at his uncle's fishing kelong,
only to find himself rowing a sampan back to shore a few days later - for
drugs.

The story repeated itself until he met a long-time friend, who completely
turned his life around.

Now, almost 30 years down the road, the father of two heads Breakthrough
Missions, a rehabilitation home for ex-drug addicts like himself, as well
as Breakthrough Café and Breakthrough Arts Craft Gifts and Book Room which
provide jobs for ex-offenders. Daphne Chuah (daphne@mediacorp.com.sg)
caught up with the jovial Mr Neo before the Yellow Ribbon Walk and Fair
last Sunday.

What were your darkest days like?

When I was around 16, I tried my first puff of marijuana out of curiosity
and that led me to heavier drugs such as opium, morphine and heroine.

Drugs provided me with a way to fill up this emptiness inside me, which
I've felt since my father passed away when I was three years old.

I was thrown into prison four times. Because of my inability to overcome
the urge, each time I was released, I'd go back to my old ways again.

But I really wanted to change. Deep in my heart, I was crying for help,
because I was so sick and tired of the life I led - that of stealing and
cheating just to get money for drugs. It was a never-ending cycle.

How difficult was it to fend off the temptation to return to your old
ways? And how did you do it?

It was never easy. The withdrawal pangs that I had to go through each time
was a nerve-wracking experience.

Every time that happened, my entire body would be in so much pain, it felt
as if a million needles were pricking my skin. I was not able to eat,
sleep, stand or sit.

This was why I went back to drugs even after being thrown into jail time
and time again. And whenever I'd satisfied the craving, I'd be overwhelmed
with regret, but it was too late then.

I always told myself that that was to be the last time I took drugs, but
the "last time" went on for almost 10 months!

That was when I completely gave up on myself. I thought I'd just live and
die an addict.

Was it part of a lack of support that made you return to your old ways?

There were many people supporting me, but somehow they couldn't help.

The main thing is because when I was released from prison, my environment
didn't change - I mixed around with the same old group of friends, and we
talked about the same old things, and we had the same hobby. You may be
able to turn your friends down once or twice, but by the fourth time, you
would start to relent.

Many people ask why offenders do not learn from their mistakes after being
released.

It's not that we don't learn. Who's not afraid of going to jail?

The thing is, they don't realise that post-release, they are not just
dealing with their own drug problems, they have to also deal with the
environment, their friends and their new lifestyle.

What was the turning point in your life?

It was the day I met a long-time friend of mine. He used to be a hardcore
addict like me and we used to hang out a lot and take drugs together.

But he was a completely changed man when I met him, having kicked his drug
addiction and even his gambling habit.

He shared with me how the help he received from this rehabilitation home
called the House of Hope allowed him to change his ways.

The fact that a person who was once like me could actually change gave me
a lot of hope. So, I decided to give it a shot at the home he was talking
about.

I first joined the home 30 years back and that was the last time I ever
touched drugs.

I was able to do it because of the support I got from the home and also
because I got the opportunity to immerse myself in various types of
exercise, so I was able to take my mind off drugs.

Plus, I knew that in order for me to be free from drugs, I needed to be
far away from my old friends.

Describe what you encountered and how you felt when you were first
released.

It is inevitable that some people would look down on me. But that wasn't
important to me; what was more important was how I looked at myself.

No doubt, I had to face many accusing eyes, but I could fully understand
why people would look at me differently, so it didn't turn into a negative
thought for me.

I know there are many drug addicts who cause a lot of problems and hurt to
society so, it's only natural for people to form negative opinions about
us.

It does take time to build trust and understanding.

But if we are hardworking, portray positive actions and show that we've
changed, nobody can really look down on us.

There's no way we can expect people to take pity on us and give us chance
after chance, and just wait for something good to happen. We have to work
for it.

What drove you to start Breakthrough Missions?

I heard many voices crying for help - from my friends and many other
people who were also hooked on drugs.

So, I felt there was a need to tell them that it is possible, that even
hardcore drug addicts can one day survive without drugs, and in that way
we would enjoy life even more.

I could understand how tough it was to attempt to quit all on my own and
how terrible it was having to go through the pain and agony of withdrawal.

So, with people coming to the home to seek help, I can also accompany them
when they are going through the initial unbearable stages of withdrawal.

I'll sing to them and even massage them, just to make them feel at ease
and not alone. Many drug addicts are afraid of the withdrawal that comes
with quitting, and that's why many give up halfway.

But by relating my past to them, many would tend to think: "If such a
hardcore addict like him could change, why can't I?"