to love a person is it tt hard?

recently thinking is quite negative, and something still stay e same or even become worse. My heart feel deferred, and now to me i dun wan 2 get into relationship as now to me is scary. look at my parents and tv episodes make me feel scare n negative. nvm, i'm still young so not to worry anything. i jus gettin sianzzzzzzz becoz my heart feel quite cold. y things look e same n so is my reaction. hmmm..wan to think different but by my own i jus can't. y so many cheating occurs? am i too gullible to be the victim of the lying trap??? y some people are jus stubborn in certain things when i jus wan nth except to built a relationship with them??? seeking for love in the world make me feel sian, i rather not. why u wan me to understand u but u dun even wan to know me. a relatioship involves two people, so it take two hands to clap. so if even i step back then cn u step back??? recently i jus like to sit in a corner n look at the things, maybe many quarrel jus involve me or i'm e problem, i will still in a corner n look. hoping something different but can't. pardon me for my sianz face, as i tried to look happy. is hard as the heart not flowing the rivers of living waters but sorrowful n bitterness. out of ur heart, ur mouth speaks. sometime ppl jus show a dun care attitude or cover up attitude to me. i jus cn feel tt, so either i expose them or i also show a dun care attitude. i noe is nt gd as bible sae show mercy. how to show? be more loving n patient plus tolerant? i dunno..i only know u reap wat u sow...this is scary...haha